Tiago the Party Wizzard
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In this series of articles, I will enlight you about the adventures I went through with Tiago the party wizard. I met Tiago at a party in Kuala Lumpur, where we both had been working as expatriates. During my travels through South-East Asia, he came over to join me for the Full Moon party at Ko Pha Ngan. In the end, Tiago – in all his wisdom – decided to travel with me across Thailand for the next two weeks to come, although he only packed his backpack for a few days worth of clothes.

Read the first part here: ‘Tramp night at Koh Samui‘.

 

Underneath you will find the second of a serie adventures: slumber party at Krabi.

The other parts are ‘Thunderstrucked at Phi Phi’, ‘The Party wizards of Koh Lanta’, ‘Alcohol free days at Phuket’, and ‘Getting wet at Chiang Mai’. Most of them have to be written still. Stay tuned!

 

 

The adventures of Tiago the party wizard – part 2:

Slumber Party at Krabi

 

Once upon a time, the party wizard and I arrived in Krabi.

As we didn’t do any research on forehand, we were strolling around fully packed on arrival, looking for a decent hostel. By asking around, we found out there was a legendary hostel called ‘the Slumber party hostel’ at the end of the road – a twenty minute walk from where we were.

After a half hour of walking, that didn’t seem to be true. Yes, my dear readers, the Party Wizard and I were about to give up, when we saw a glimpse of this oasis of backpackers paradise, just around the corner.

Upon arrival we immediatly knew this was the place we were looking for. The entrance had its own bar some of the guests were already getting highly intoxicated in. A majestic beer pong table was located next to the entrance.

We were welcomed by a small, but gorgeous blonde girl, whos chest was disproportionally large compared to the rest of her body.

The eyes of the party wizard were lighting up.

 

We were in Candyland.

 

The girl got behind the bar, to look up whether they still had some beds available in the dorms.

On the right side of the bar were located two jars made of glass: one filled with condoms, the other one filled with paracetamol. Unlimited supply for all guests. This hostel understood backpackers – it felt like coming home.

The girl with the disproportional chest, told us there was only one bed left, which we were not allowed to share.

Unfortunate.

 

God-save-the-queen there was another Slumber party hostel, which was located at the beach. They still had some clean beds for us. The blonde girl would call in some guys to pick us up with their motorcycles.

In the meantime, she would show us the dorms anyway, they wouldn’t differ much from the dorms in the other Slumber party hostel. Hygienic and comfortably airconditioned – we fell in love immediatly.

We got back to the bar and bought ourselves some well-deserved drinks, while waiting for the guys from the other Slumber party hostel to pick us up.

 

‘This place is amazing, bro.’ the party wizard whispered in my ear.

I confirmed. We were most definetly in heaven.

The blonde girl with the disproportional chest returned. She had picked up the smallest puppy I have ever seen, pressing it tightly to her insanely large boobs.

 

‘Do you like my puppy?’ she asked us with a smile that could have melted the entire Northpole.

 

For god sake. ‘Do you like my puppy?’

It was quite hard for all men on Earth to even séé the puppy. Without hesitating I quickly broke the tension, which was too intense to bare.

‘Yes. I like. Can I touch?’

Tiago almost choked on his drink.

The blonde girl approved. We petted the puppy.

 

 

Kath & Kath

Soon, two guys from the other Slumber Party hostel would pick us up and we would quickly finish our drinks.

Near the beach, they would drop us off. We checked in at a more spacious version of the first Slumber party hostel. It was equally nice, although it didn’t have any puppies.

This is where I think the Party wizard and I, met Kath and Kath. I am not sure, we might have met them before.

Kath and Kath were two Polish girls which – as you might have guessed – happened to have similar names. The four of us would travel together for a while. We introduced ourselves and got ready for the pub crawl of that night.

 

From left to right: Blonde Kath, Tiago, me, Brunette Kath

Kath & Kath

 

The party wizard and I freshed ourselves up and took the girls back to the first Slumber party hostel, where the crawl of all crawls would start.

We were getting ready for another legendary night.

 

 

Vodka-olympics

Ever since we first arrived at the Slumber Party hostel, Tiago and I wanted to play beerpong. So that’s what we did upon arrival.

Well, almost.

Unfortunately, the first bucket of Vodka was included in the price of the pub crawl. This, combined with the fact that Kath and Kath didn’t like beer that much, forced us to play Vodka-pong instead.

Blonde Kath teamed up with the Party Wizard, Brunette Kath teamed up with me. Truth be told: we played the worst game ever. Truly an insult to the glorious game of Vodka pong.

It took us ages to finish the game and I have no idea who won in the end (this is usually a sign I lost).

 

Next up in this Vodka-olympics, was a game of flip a cup, in which no less than twenty other guests were joining. Proud and roaring.

Memories started to fade, and I am pretty sure this is where we would have met Jeff. A small skinny guy with an insanely big mouth.

We would start some seemingly innocent games of Jenga, together with all the other people that were joining the pubcrawl. On every Jenga brick a hidden assignment was written. It was incredible. A game of Jenga, unlike all the other games of Jenga I had played.

Small Jeff seemed to have heaven on his side, since the first two bricks he got, were both body-shot bricks. That means he had to pick two girls and put them on the bar. The blonde girl with the extra-ordinary chest stripped them down until they were half naked and fixed them up with whipped cream and shots.

Small Jeff eagerly feasted upon their bellies, licked up all the whipped cream, and sucked up all the liquor that was poured into their belly buttons. He seemed to enjoy it.

The Vodka games continued for at least another hour, in which I am sure all kind of crazy stuff happened. Needless to say, the party wizard and I were highly intoxicated when the pubcrawl would eventually kick off officially.

 

Not again…

The hostel fixed us up with a large tuctuc, which was still not big enough for all people to fit in. With a beer in my hand, I would bravely volunteer to hang behind the back.

I stepped on the rear bumper. With one hand I would hold on to the roof of the tuctuc, while the other one was firmly holding on to my beer. The tuctuc started to rumble. Off we went!

Everybody was cheering, there was a sense of excitement in the air. The warm wind was blowing through my hair, and I felt like elegantly flying through the air. I had the feeling to be completely in control, although it must have looked a lot more dangerous for outsiders.

 

‘Bro, why are you wearing pants?’ Tiago shouted from inside the tuctuc.

Oh god, not this again.

 

Kath and Kath started laughing, small Jeff cheered. The party wizard started to unbutton my pants.

Since one hand was holding on to the tuctuc, and the other one was holding my ice-cold beer, it would be an immense sacrifice to let go of either one of them.

I tried to defend myself, but that was quite hard in the position I was in. With the tuctuc still driving at full speed, my pants would soon be on my ankles and I was holding my boxershort up with the same hand I was holding my beer.

It worked, but it made the temperature of my balls drop to an uncomfortable low. Luckily Tiago decided to give up in the end.

 

Yes, my dear readers, in this episode of Tiago the party wizard I would not lose my boxershorts. This makes this article a lot less gay than the previous one.

I know you are secretly disappointed.

 

 

The Thailand shuffle

The story so far, might seem like a prequel to an even more insane night, but it is truly not. The main event of the evening, the pubcrawl itself, leaves me blank.

Unfortunate.

I remember the usual stuff, that occurred a lot to us in Thailand. It’s what I call the Thailand shuffle, and it appeared to happen almost every night out:

1. Got hit on by lady boys
2. Started running away really fast
3. Went to some other pub

4. Got hit on by real girls
5. Still being really affraid they have dicks
6. Went to some other pub

(Step 1 to 6 might repeat itself in random order from here on)

7. Got lost some way or another
8. Ate very bad fastfood
9. By some divine miracle, we somehow found our way back home.

 

It was a memorable night, it did just not leave many memories behind.

I am sure we behaved.

 

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